STORY OF MY LIFE (PART 2) - LONELY

As the time goes by, i missing him so much and still hoping that he will come back. In 6 months, there's lot of things I've done. Also keep myself busy as i could because it's the only way not to remember anything about him or our memories. The truth, MEMORIES SLOWLY KILLS ME INSIDE, IM DYING. Why should this happened to me? WHY?

"Are you okay, dear?" As i thought, Kazman is here beside and gave me a glass of Pop Ice, with Chocolate flavour, my favourite.
"okay saja Man" Senyuman paksaan ku berikan.

"Kenapa lah kau baik sangat Kazman? Kenapa lah susah sangat untuk ku jatuh cinta dan buka hatiku untuk mu? Kau terlalu sempurna untuk menjadi seorang suami mahupun bapa kepada anak-anak". Keluhku dalam hati.

"So, wanna go for sunset? It's almost six" He asked. "Sure :-)" I replied.

"Min masih ingat Aswan? Man tahu bukan senang kan lupakan orang tani cinta tapi Min, you have to move on. Maybe you will find someone much better than him, who knows, right?" Seperti biasa, setiap hari dengar benda yang sama dari mulutnya.

"Man, I know. But maybe I need some times to move on. It's been 4years with him, tiba-tiba putus with the stupid reason, its not easy for me to forget.". Again, I almost burst into tears.

Aswan, kenapa susah sangat untuk kau fahami isi hati ku ani? Bukan sanang ku lupakan kau bah!!

"Min, I'm so sorry. Later mau makan Sushi?". Kazman memujuk lagi.
"Bila jua ku menolak bab makan, walaupun ku menangis tapi masih ada selera ni". I smiled.

Special thing about him, ia selalu pujuk aku with foods. Obviously i loves food so much. Any food. Keburukan ku, kalau stress, mesti bawa makan. FOODS always love me when I'm stress. Hahaha that's my bad. I lost when it's comes something with food. I've gained more than 5kgs during this 6 months. Just because Kazman bawa makan saja.

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Lots of people keep saying that Kazman is my boyfriend. None of us admit nor deny it. We're enjoying the gossips anyway. We're always together, watching movie, lunch, dinner, even we're always took a very late night dinner somewhere while watching football. We're comfortable to be together. Even our parents also thought that we're in love. We're just let people said what they're want to. Funny things, nada orang berani tegur atau mengurat kami kalau kami berjalan sama-sama. Kalau sehari inda jumpa, boring rasa nya. Sometimes Kazman annoying much but sometimes he can be a really good listener even advisor. Tapi kalau ia ada masalah, he will be lost. Kalau masalah orang lain boleh ia handle, tapi dah kena hidung sendiri, jalan buntu jawapannya.

 Padahal both of us single and wanna have our own partner. Kadang-kadang kami sama-sama ketawa kalau kami perasaan yang kami ani payah kan dapat GF/BF. Siapa jua berani kan mengurat, berjalan berdua, makan berdua, pakai baju colour sama kalau jalan. Benar-benar kami sunyi, no partner, no loves, no goodnight message neither loves message. Jealous jua kalau lihat kawan-kawan ada pasangan hidup, even scandal pun dorang ada. Kami? Payah mau cari pasangan, apatah lagi kan ada scandal.

MANA TIA LAKI-LAKI DI BRUNEI ANI?? HABIS KAH? AKU SINGLE NI. DAMN!!! Seorang pun payah kan ada suka aku ani. Sedangkan sama jua usulku macam orang lain, ada mata hidung kaki tangan. Semua sama. Just im a bit thin. Makan banyak pun masih jua kurus kering. Seems like im really desperate mencari pasangan hidup.

Next month is March, which is my birth month. *Sighsssss. Means, this time have to celebrate my birthday alone after 4years been with him. Really pissed me off. Hate this feeling. Im already 22, had government job, ada kereta sendiri. But why it's hard me to find someone to replace him, WHY?

Aswan, I can lied to everyone that i hated u so much and already forgot everything about you. But inside, I'm still always love you, can't even forget everything about you. Miss your voice, your hugs, your  messages, your smells and I'm still waiting if one day you will text  my phone and goback with me. Why you're leaving me? I'm still need you here. I'm already lost this 6 months, still in middle of nowhere. Im so lonely.

Every night I'm cried over you. Kau jua berjanji kan kawin sama aku. Janjimu kan mulakan hidup baru. Kemana janji mu ASWAN??!!! Menangis dan menangis lagi........

Tiba-tiba.... *SMS recieved* It's Kazman.

"Goodnight Min. Sweetdreams & sleeptight. Esok me ambil you then we go breakfast lepas atu baru kerja ok. My shirt will be black stripes blue tommorrow. Jangan menangis lagi. Allah always be with us. Bye dear" Setiap malam mesti ia ada SMS. So sweet.

I Just replied him - "Ok Man. Lets see if i had baju kurung match with that colour ok. Don't be late. Meeting pukul 10pagi. Nightmare  for you hahaha =p"


I really dont want to cry but..... ASWAN ASWAN ASWAN.... Sebak dada ku ingatkan kau.. First love always be unforgetable. Apalagi terlalu banyak rintangan telah tani tempuhi. Half of my life died the day we broke up.


Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku, jika ASWAN bukan untukku, maka luputkanlah ia dari ingatanku. Akan tetapi jika dia adalah jodohku, maka permudahkanlah jalan hidupku. Hanya padamu ku berserah. Semoga Allah akan memberkati jalan hidupku dan mempertemukanku dengan jodoh ku yang sebenar. Amin...

To be continued........

Story Of My Life (PART 1) - HEARTBROKEN

Bismillahi Rahman Nirrahim.


Kazman, is friend of mine. Or should i say "LIFESAVER". Two years with him, more than enough for me to trust him. Why? Aku pun inda tahu. My instinct said so. The day i broke up with my EX, he's the one who beside to cheer me up & gave his shoulder for me to cry. Kadang-kadang ia selalu bawa makan, main air pantai, round BSB to Belait, pasal inda mau lihat aku menangis. He's single by the way =D that's the best part. His character? Hitam manis, tinggi, not too thin & absolutely inda lampuh. Sedap mata memandang. Baik? Maybe you can judge him after finish read my whole story.

Different with Aswan, my EXboyfriend, which is chinese-look, had a fair skin, medium size & ofcourse handsome. We're already together about 3years coming 4. It's not easy to be with him, macam-macam dugaan ditempuh semata-mata untuk menyelamatkan our relationship. And, menunggu ia habis rekrut jua satu cabaran dan dugaan. Walaupun sakit menanggung rindu, tapi akan jua kan daya atu tah masa depannya. Once in two weeks, he will be back from his training centre and he always brought me to somewhere and we’re dated. Old memories always making me cry over and over. But EX always be EX. Perhaps. Inside, im still waiting for him to come and give me a new chance of life and build new relationship with new phase of life. *Sighsssssss. People always saying that 'handsome boy is BELONG TO ANYONE, not only u'. It's true and always be. Why & how we broke up? He's got someone else, maybe someone better than me. The last words he said after a year our relationship goes up & down, 'mungkin tani terpaksa putus dulu, relax kan segala kekusutan di kepala. Enjoy our life. Wait for me to save my money than we will get marry'. WTH??!!!

Im not educated lady, but im not stupid tho. Why should we broke up just because of he want to save money for our marriage? Isnt it just an excuse? Why dont we just carry on our relationship & saving our money until it's enought for us to marry? WHY? His hug is the last hug we had & i'm kept silent after heard what he's said. Suprisingly im not crying neither begging him. Next? had to carry on my life, without him. Walaupun bukan first time kedapatan yang ia ada bini-bini lain dalam sepanjang hubungan kami tapi aku masih sabar dan inda pernah keluarkan perkataan putus.

After few months, I did contacted him & met him. WHY? Mau balikkan semua barang-barangnya yang pernah ia bagi arahku. And aku minta balik barang yang ia pinjam, kecuali barang yang ku bagi arahnya saja aku inda minta balik. Pasal barang atu ikhlas dari hati. The cruel part, i want my NOKIA(s) back!!! It's not yours, boy!! *Evil laugh*. But when i reached home, i cried. Im still loving you so much.

To be continue..............